


Duck Out

by Amydiddle



Series: Growing Up Parts of a Whole [18]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series), Thomas Sanders
Genre: Accepting Anxiety, Anxiety Needs a Hug, Deals, Deceit being himself, Gen, He is here but not because they are in his head?, Past Friendships gone sour, Sanders Sides - Freeform, Virgil really isn't sure about this but it going along with it anyway, deceit warning, lying, thomas sanders - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2019-08-19 04:19:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16527218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amydiddle/pseuds/Amydiddle
Summary: Anxiety has to leave. He needs to get out.It has what Thomas has wanted from the beginning and after all that has happened with the other sides, he finally gets that he is not welcome here.He just needs help from an old friend. A friend he has not spoken to since he stormed out on him for saying his dreams were crazy.





	Duck Out

**Author's Note:**

> Long time no see. 
> 
> So this fic is probably the oldest the sides are going to be for this series.
> 
> As always, point out mistakes politely!

It had been almost been a year since he last stood in this hallway.

Since he last was in front of that door.

Since he stormed out.

Since he moved over to the light side.

It had almost been a year and he never thought he would come back so soon. He had sworn the day he had stormed out that he would never come back. That he would leave the shadows of Thomas’ mind for good.

That he would never go back to the shadows that had spawned him and raised him.

Yet here he was now.

Standing in a dark hallway and looking at a bi-colored door with peeling paint. He had come here for something important and yet he could not gain the courage to raise his hand and knock on the door.

He had been standing there for almost twenty minutes already.

_This is a stupid idea._

_Like he would EVER help you._

**_No wonder you are alone._ **

**_No wonder they hate you._ **

**_You are such a cow-._ **

“Are you going to stand out there all day, Virgil? You know how much I _love_ loiterers,” the voice broke through the brigade of voices that filled Virgil’s head.

He took a step back at the sound and let his eyes regain focus on the door in front of him. It was no longer closed.

In the time that he had allowed himself to be sucked into his fears someone had cracked it open. Just enough to let the darkness of inside show. No real indication on what he would find in there.

It would be so easy to run.

It would be easy to go back to his room that was now in the light side’s area and hide away. Forget this dumb idea. Forget the need to help _them_.

“Tick-tock, Anxiety. I am a very busy man even if you have the time to stand outside in the hall.”

Anxiety shivered as the words left the darkness of the room.

He wanted so badly to run.

So badly to forget this.

_Coward._

He took a breath and pushed the door open completely to enter. The door closed behind him with a gentle click.

The darkness gave away to a bedroom that was almost exactly as Anxiety remembered it. The walls were still grey and bare. The floor still had white, black, and yellow rugs scattered around it. A mirror covered with a bed sheet was still hidden in a corner. The bed was still a nest of blankets that was pushed against the wall nearest to the rectangle of a window and under the vent.

The only thing that was different was how this room no longer felt welcoming. In years past, Virgil would come in there to escape. Now he just wanted to leave.

There was no more comfort in this space.

Virgil turned his head to look at the figure that had closed the door when he had stepped into the room.

“I would welcome you back, but I feel that would be a waste of breath,” the man sneered as he moved away from the door and to the old desk chair that was pushed into a corner.

He did not look at the other side. Half his face hidden in the shadows of his hair as he tossed his bowler hat onto the blanket pile on the bed.

Anxiety waited until the man had sat down before he worked up the courage to speak.

“Dee-.”

“Nicknames still?” The side interrupted, “Now I know you want something badly. Trying to butter me up like that. Don’t talk to me for months after the little spat and you think you can waltz right in here. Treat me like an old pal.”

Anxiety’s hands shook at his side. He was unnerved with all of this being directed at the wall instead of to him. The side even daring to take off his gloves as if he was settling in after a long day’s work and did not have a guest over.

“I am not here to get something, Deceit.”

The words appeared behind Deceit’s head. Marking the grey wall in bright yellow writing.

“Oh Virgil,” Deceit purred the name with a dull chuckle, “When will you learn?”

The side stood up and finally looked directly at Anxiety. The side wished he hadn’t.

“You. Cannot. _LIE_. To. Me.” Every word was punctuated with a step forward. The yellow eye blazing.

Last Anxiety had seen Deceit the scales had only encircled the eye. Now green scales littered the left side of Deceit’s face, almost complete coverage. The sight, and the hissed threat, caused the anxious figment to take some steps back.

What had happened in the few months that they had been away from each other that the scales had spread so much?

“Deceit…” Virgil wanted to say something, but he did not know what.

The scaled side turned his back as if to reject whatever pity or comment that Anxiety wanted to portray. His posture was stiff as he moved back towards the wall where Virgil’s lie was etched and slowly fading.

“Are you enjoying it with them?” Deceit asked, “Is it everything you dreamed it would be and more?”

It was hard to tell if these were rhetorical questions. If they were meant to mock him.

Virgil wanted so badly to say ‘yes’. To be able to prove that he was right, and Deceit was wrong. That this had not been a ‘futile effort’, as the other had said, and that it had not failed. That Anxiety’s first impulsive action in his life had been the best decision he had ever made.

But he couldn’t.

It would be a lie if he did.

The lack of immediate answer caused Deceit to glance at him over his shoulder. Brown eye taking in the slumped posture of the anxious trait. He did not move as he waited expectantly for an answer.

“Well?”

Anxiety blinked. He was not sure when he had begun to look at his shoes, but he switched his gaze to the one eye staring at him.

“I need to leave,” he got out. 

Deceit looked away back at the words that were barely visible on his wall, “That was not what I asked.”

“Deceit please,” Virgil took a hesitant step towards the other, “I need a way out. I need to leave.”

“You already left, Anxiety. There are very little places for you to go and hide now,” the words were cold and devoid of emotion.

Deceit would not look away from the words even though they could barely be seen.

“Dee…” Anxiety mumbled the older nickname as he reached a hand out towards the dark side’s shoulder.

“You left us!” Deceit turned around before the hand landed and glared directly at Virgil.

Anxiety’s eyes widened at the outburst and pulled his hand back like he had been burned. His feet took a small step backwards.

“You left **me**!” Deceit’s yellow eye glowed brighter as the anger increased, “Now you want to leave them! Is no one good enough for you, Anxiety!?! How high are your damn standards?”

As quickly as he anger had appeared it seemed to die out inside the side. Deceit slipped back into the hair and hand a hand through his messy hair.

Virgil couldn’t help but this that Deceit looked tired.

“Even if I wanted to help you, I would not be able to. There is no way I can let you back in.”

The words shot through Virgil like ice in his veins. “W-what?”

“I can’t let you back,” Deceit stated to the wall, “You showed yourself. You wanted our host to know you and I let that happen. You wanted to take an active role and so I loosened a few more strings. I cannot take away a truth once it is known, Virgil. If Thomas does not want to forget then I must abide by that.”

Deceit shrugged, “You cannot come back. You cannot hide away anymore.”

Anxiety barely heard the words.

_No. No. No. No. No._

This was not part of his plan at all.

“It is too late to go back,” Deceit continued. If he was aware of the other’s panic attack he did not seem to care, “Even if I wanted to help you or let you back into the fold; They would not allow it. You dug yourself into this hole, Anxiety.”

“Can’t you…” Virgil tried to get his breathing back to normal, “Can’t you do anything? There has to be something.”

Virgil refused to believe he came all this way just to be told that had was stuck. Deceit was his only hope to be free of this life he had found himself in. To get away from the taunts and jabs and harsh looks.

“Why should I do something!?!” Deceit snapped, “How you chosen to forget what you said to me last time you were in this very room? Did you really think that I would want to help someone like _you_?”

Deceit stood up and seemed to tower over the anxious side. Anxiety was not sure when the other had gotten so close, but he could almost count every scale in the time lighting.

“You _left_ , Virgil. You wanted something better. You thought that it was with **them** instead of us,” Deceit moved back but kept a cold glare on the other.

“You wanted me to go!” Anxiety forced out. He expected more shouting.

The statement seemed to deflate the other instead of anger him more.

“I know what I said,” Deceit hissed the words out through his teeth, “I know I encouraged you to go but I never thought that you…that you would…”

The side cussed and turned away to grab his hat. He worried the brim and looked up at the rectangle window instead of continuing his statement.

A heavy silence hung between them.

For the first time in a long time, Anxiety saw the emotions the other tried to hide behind a mask of confidence.

_You hurt him, Virgil. Nice going._

It took a few moments to find his voice again, “Thomas doesn’t want me.”

The words rang around the room like a gun shot but they never appeared on the wall, so they must be true. This made Virgil’s heart hang heavier.

**_No one wants you_. **

“Thomas doesn’t want me, so they don’t want me,” Anxiety heard himself continue, “You were right, Dee. They could never want a side like me. This whole idea was a failure from the beginning.”

Deceit stopped worrying the brim of his hat as he listened to the words. When the statement was finished he allowed his eyes to close and he took a breath.

Anxiety held his breath. It was the closets thing he could get out to an apology to the other. He knew it could use some work, but Deceit never was good with a straight forward message.

“There…there might be something I could do,” Deceit finally spoke up.

Virgil felt his heart flip in relief, “What is it?”

Deceit did not open his eyes, “I could, for a short period of time, remove you from the equation.”

The relief was replaced with fear.

 _He couldn’t do that!?! He wouldn’t! My apology was shitty but-_.

“L-like killing me?” Virgil squeaked out.

“What!?” Deceit’s eyes finally snapped open and he looked at Virgil in horror, “No! Why would you-? No! God, No! Never! Oh my Gosh, Virgil! Who the heck do you think I am?”

Anxiety felt his cheeks flush and he kicked at one of the rugs on the ground.

“Sorry…that was…” _An extreme and irrational conclusion._

Deceit waved him off and situation the hat back on his head.

“Murder aside, I am actually talking about a temporary disconnect from Thomas’ personality. While I cannot hide you and them not wanting you doesn’t really help, this would at least give you some time to yourself to hide away like you do when you want to think things over to the extreme.”

“What do you mean by ‘disconnect?” Anxiety could not help but pick apart every aspect of this idea.

“I mean that Thomas would have no more Anxiety in the physical world.”

Anxiety frowned.

That is what Thomas wanted; no more time. Plus, having personal time would mean no more insults or expectations. No more act to put on or problems to assist in fixing. It could even be like a temporary vacation.

There were no real losses in this scenario.

“How badly would ‘cutting ties’ with Thomas’ personality affect him?”

Deceit shrugged and sat on the edge of his bed.

“Look, kid, I don’t know everything. I haven’t exactly done this before,” he picked at a loose threat on his sheets, “I mean, he probably will notice. Every part of a personality is important.”

Anxiety snorted, “Yeah right.”

Deceit put his hands up in a ‘you believe what you want’ gesture and went back to picking at his thread.

Virgil did not want Thomas to be affected at all, but no plan is perfect.

If he wanted to give Thomas the life that he believed he should have then there would have to be sacrifices. Virgil was sure the others would help Thomas learn to cope with this new life style. Soon enough they would not even notice that he was gone.

If they even noticed to begin with.

“Alright.”

Deceit did not look away from the thread. The side just continued to pick it until it had finally been pulled out. It laid uselessly on his black pants before he blew it off.

Anxiety waited.

Nothing happened.

“Um…”

Deceit looked up and seemed to be surprised the other was still there, “What?”

“Aren’t…aren’t you going to do the thing with the severing and all that?”

Deceit looked at him confused and then his eyes widened.

“Oh! You want me to do that now?”

Anxiety nodded.

“No thanks,” Deceit gave a dramatic yawn, “I had a long day today and I am not really in the mood to pull that kind of mojo.”

“What!?! Then why did you suggest it?”

Deceit shrugged as he laid back on the bed, “I was just trying to be helpful.”

“Deception!”

Deceit did not sit up, “Hey. I never said I would help you, Anxiety. No reason to bring out the full names here.”

He gave another yawn and put an arm over his eyes, “And there is no way you can get me to help either…”

Virgil felt his heart sink. He was so close to being free of all this pain.

“Except.”

The metaphorical rebound that just happened in his chest almost sent Anxiety into cardiac arrest. The mind games that Deceit liked to play were _not_ something he had missed while over in the light sides’ home.

“Except?” he asked cautiously.

“You already know that Thomas does not know about me or the others,” Deceit said slowly. The arm stayed over his eyes as he laid on the bed.

“Yeah, and?” Anxiety was confused on what they had to do with anything.

“The and, my dear Virgil, is not an ‘and’ at all. It is a deal. A deal to help me into the lights’ domain.”

Virgil took a small step back from the bed, “Why?”

“I just want to go about. Stretch my legs. It has been forever since I last saw them all,” Deceit moved the arm off his face and looked at Virgil with a smirk, “Course they probably won’t even know I am there. I just miss observing them.”

Deceit sits up with a smirk, “Besides, you won’t tell me the full reason you want to ‘duck out’ so why should I tell you the full reason I wish to visit my estranged family.”

In a flash, the two-faced side was back on his feet. The hat situated perfectly on his head and the gloves back on his hands. The smirk on his face only seemed to widen on the scaled side. Virgil could not tell if that was the scales doing or just Deceit’s natural scheming look.

He would not get close enough to check.

“So, old friend, do we have a deal?”

Virgil felt goosebumps rise on his arms. If there was ever a time to leave, this would be it.

But it was too late to run.

It was too late for a lot of things.

Deceit held out a gloved hand and Anxiety took it.

“Deal.”

Deceit grinned and that was the last sight that Anxiety saw.

When the side awoke, he was in his room. The Nightmare Before Christmas was beginning to play on his tv and light barely filtered in from his purple curtain. The clock on the wall still spun like it was broken.

Nothing looked different. Yet, for the first time ever in his existence, Anxiety felt truly alone.


End file.
